Parody Of Handsome Arvind Kejriwal Personal Diary

Who is handsome Kejriwal’s favorite porn star and what Kejriwal has done with the money he has made from corruption? Kejriwal has answered each question with witty humor. PARODY ARTICLE READ AT OWN RISK CONTAINS LANGUAGE NOT SUITABLE FOR KIDS MAKE SURE PARENTS AREN’T AROUND

To read Click Here

or

http://www.wakeuphumor.com/dark-humor/parody/arvind-kejriwal-twitter-personal-diary/

Personal Diary : Hair

Do you ever believe in ghost exist? If your answer is yes, then can you share their images with me? Like soul ghosts are long lost. We all believe in their existence but have never seen them in real life.

The reason why I am asking right now this question is.. I can’t find any hair on my head. Like soul or ghost. Someone might have stolen them. Fucking barbers. One can only expect barbaric uncouth work from a barber. I swear to cut all my relations with the barber. Like he cut my hair without any soul or heart.  You can look at my handsome face.

kishan

I can’t blame this poor creature. I had asked myself many excused why had I trim my head.

  • Chief Minster Miss Jailalitha died in her office
  • Because I had an ‘MANNAT’ that, if I suck in CAT exam, I would give all my hair to any bald God. [but the real issue is, I tried to read much literature. But any literature until 21st century ‘KISHAN-O-PIDEA’ didn’t mention any bald god. That god named Kishan Thakar must be almighty.]
  • I had an afternoon dream about..I am sleeping in a gutter. I am covered all over with mud. I am stinking with a stigma of satire. The evil inside of me is screaming about stop global warming and live life as a green. And again I realized, this was just a dream. I woke, took a sip of 2 days old bad tea. And sleep again.

The last reason, I gave to myself was brutally honest. All I wanted in my life was to stop judging the guy, I try to pretend around the world. Hey, Guy, clear your thoughts. Believe in monotony. Just prepare for the worst.

I didn’t understand, why am I judging myself. When I know that the face, I have been displaying to the world isn’t me. Only easy way to get back to the real me is the pain. And hatred of old self.

And I said to my barbaric barber, ‘just cut the crap’

Krishna is back

 

In the city of celestial, there is one ruler named Lord Krishna, his eyes wags all around because he is a protector of the whole universe. ‘What’s the news of India?’ Lord Krishna said while sprawling in his seat. ‘The story of modern India. Poor people forget meaning of word justice because only word they heard is rich people are THE LAW‘ Narad said with exhales.’ Don’t worry, Narad. It’s time to make the sequel, this time I am going to earth without my super powers because of CCTV cameras you know. ‘Lord Krishna said. ‘Good luck, Lord.’ Narad wished Lord Krishna.

 

Krishna born in a poor farmer family, in Vanthali, Junagadh. The beautiful hometown of lion and Kesar Mangoes. Unfortunately their crop had failed due to abundance of rain. That’s why Krishna’s parents had huge amount of debt to pay to banks because of fake fertilizers provided by government missionary’s low quality but high rate fertilizer.

‘We can’t raise Krishna, we can’t give him the life he deserves .We have to give him to my friend Mr. Nandlal’.  Vasudeva grunted loudly. Devaki was weeping in kitchen .She was hopeless.

In the Dark night with heavy rainfall, Nandlal was travelling to Ramgadh with little Krishna in the basket.  He took boat to cross Ozat river, the flock of eagle came to protect Krishna from rain. That’s how Vasudeva reached Ramgadh .

‘Take care of my son.’ Vasudev pleaded to Nandlal. ‘Don’t worry about Krishna, I will take care of him as my son.’ Nandlal said, and Vasudeva took a last glance of Krishna, face glow like the God and most innocent smile in the world. Vasudeva took his steps back with heavy heart.

When first ray of sun arrives at temple, the day of Ramgadh starts. Then cattle go for graze in jungle, women of Ramgadh come near bank of Ozat to wash clothes and fill water in pot. Farmers go to plow their farms, and obviously little Krishna plays with his gopis in his garden.

As he turned six, their parents admit him to primary school in village , “The Ramgadh School Of education”

‘2+3=5… so students what is the answer of 3+2 ?’Shakti sir asked question to class.

‘Where is your attention Krishna ‘ Shakti sir said out loudly as Krishna was watching outside beauty of nature, squirrel climbing on tree. He didn’t noticed his sir was calling him. ‘Where is your attention, Krishna? Krishnaaa’ Shakti sir screamed with anger. ‘yes sir.. ‘ Krishna said  calmly. ‘Then tell me the answer of my question’ Shakti sir said. ‘Sir it’s five, it’s a simple question.’ Krishna said with confidence. Shakti sir stunned by hearing sudden answer as he was not expecting to hear. He saw a different sparkle in his eyes that he had never seen before.’O…kay okay, sit down’ Shakti sir stammered.

 

Krishna was intelligent student but he didn’t give much attention in his class, after school he went out in the jungle to play with friends and cattle. He swims in Ozat river, climbs on trees to eat fruits. He knows every single tree in the Jungle. In the free time, he just climb on tree, seat on the branch and play flute with his magical lips. He is not afraid of any animals or insects, vice-versa animals are his best friend, he likes to watch lions for hours and hours while sitting on banyan trees.

He is also good with musical instruments in his school, he knows how to play almost all instruments. He also loves to act in play. He played Romeo in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ play and he also played Krishna in ‘Krishna-Radha’ play. You know who was his Radha, any guesses, ya it’s Radha. Anyways Krishna was the most popular student in his school, he was all-rounder and captain of cricket team. All girls in school liked him. Like his past birth, Radha is two year senior of Krishna, the cutest girl with dimple in her both chicks. They were best friends in school .

 

‘What is your result Krishna?’ Sudama asked curiously. ‘I got 82 percentage and 92 percentile.’ Krishna said. ‘I got 90 percentage and 99 percentile. ‘Sudama replied without Krishna’s question. Like our all friends do if they get better marks than us. ‘Have you decided in which stream do you want to pursue further?’Sudama asked. ‘I don’t know but my parents wants me to choose science, so it’s okay.’ Krishna replied. ‘Let’s go to Pioneer school in Vanthali, I have heard its best in science.’ Sudama said. ‘ya we don’t have an option here in Ramgadh.’ Disappoint was dreaded from Krishna’s voice.

 

Students of village have to transfer to town for higher education, because they don’t have higher education facilities in village. ‘Eat well, don’t be too skinny, I have packed all your things properly, don’t misplace anything. Thepla, pickle, gathiya is in front cabinet. Don’t share them anyone. Not even dogs, Krishna. Try to be more responsible. Your elder brother Balram and your best friend Sudama is there for your help, don’t go outside of hostel in night.’ Yashoda mother spoke it in one breathe. ‘Mom, don’t worry.’ Krishna interrupted her Mom and hugged her. ‘Enjoy yourself in Vanthali, son.’ Nandlal sreplied with a short answer and a little hug just like a cool dad. ‘Don’t forget to call me every day with your CDMA sim-card.’ Yashoda was weeping badly, Krishna cleaned her tears.

 

Life in hostel, I don’t need to mention anything, ‘night is a day and day is a night’, proper prototype for hostel life. Facebook, cards, Whatsapp, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, crush-talks are the best time-passes. Coffee shop, tea shop, restaurants, gardens are best hangouts. Krishna is also a human, his relation with Radha reached special bond here. Although he doesn’t understand Calculus, Pythagoras, Newton, Kepler and so on. Why scientists ever born in the world!!! Now he realizes why students are constantly prayed to him during exams. He also wrote an email to his ancestor Vishnu God for help. That’s how he completes 11-12 science and came back to his village, here he got relief to take breathe.

 

He joined engineering as most people do after science, right. His Eighteenth birthday, a period of adolescence was over. Now his father realizes that he is mature enough to know the truth so he told the truth in detail. Krishna met his real parents and took oath to give justice to them.

Krishna sued government beckoned fertilizer companies and insurance companies in court. Judge stunned by hearing Krishna’s argument. As the result of his arguments judge passed full claim amount for all the victim farmers. Many publication houses decided to publish ‘Bhagvadgita part-2’ from his arguments. He didn’t stop here, he started an agriculture research company and convinced aspired students and scientist to work in the company. That’s how he took revenge to fertilizer companies.

 

As we all know Krishna had 16016 wives in past birth, I know readers are eager to know about his love life in this birth. But this time story goes different way, Krishna told Radha, ‘Radha remember how we first met

Radha, you were seating in the void with her eyes drowned in the words of salamander.

Your innocent oval face, oiled bunned hair, perfect voice and fiery eyes and book in her right hand

was she goddess Sarswati

was I alone to notice it

no, I better reach before my competition make any move

I stood over her face blocking my competition’s view

She looked up flickering in her eyes

was it lack of sun rays or my opponent sun had lost his battle

she looked up in my eyes thinking about stupid bloke standing between god of love Kaamdev and her soulmate book

I quickly realized her sense of insecurity and was ready to fall back

but I read the name of her soulmate.’

‘that’s Krishna’ Radha said in shy tone.

And Krishna asked permission of her parents to marriage, their parents also agreed about marriage. And most awaited marriage of Krishna and Radha happened. All is well when End is well.


Again featured image courtesy, Nisang Vora. This is the first and one of the few short story I’ve ever written. Thank you so much for reading it until end.

 

 

 

Heart Of Poet

Like we’ve preserved mind of scientists like Einstein in museum

where should we put heart of poet

in museum, in library, in tons of unsold books in godowns of publishers or we can just crush it

a poet is always made because of some heart breaking tragedy. Only trauma creates poet not by eating a McDonald cheese burger a person could become poet.

you idiot Saral, that only increases your weight

Behind every successful poet, their is a trauma

secret ingredient

if secret  ingredient behind delicious food is love

then trust me

people who are infiltrating social media with love quotes must be Tarla Dalal

DEAD

stupid fellows, who believes Romeo and Juliet was a real story just like pokemons are real.

#rip_love_quoter’s
#no_more_love

TRANSITION

Have I made a decision

Not to change?

And I have got many problems

With a range

So why don’t I just change myself

And what do I panic for

Why don’t I spread my arms to fly

 A caterpillar, being a butterfly

TRANSITION……

Doesn’t change who I’m

TRANSITION ……

Doesn’t change from where I came

TRANSITION…..

To be different from the rest

TRANSITION…..

To be better than the best

TRANSITION…..

From dead to being alive

TRANSITION…..

End to origin I arrive

TRANSITION…..

Being I can’t to being I can

TRANSITION…..

Being a child to being a man

Inevitable, dramatical the way change has been

Astonishing, adventurous it always promises to be

It will change my nature and it will happen too soon

Then I’ll be back, back with a boom

TRANSITION…..

From fake to being real

TRANSITION…..

So heavenly I feel

TRANSITION…..

To cut the weeds I have grown

TRANSITION…..

To feed the tree, I’m own

 

 

TRANSITION…..

From far to being near

TRANSITION…..

Getting away from fear

TRANSITION…..

No longer ‘inside’, yet to be known

TRANSITION…..

Human being to being human

 

NOTE: People change. Situations make them change themselves.For ex:During a storm, only those trees survive who bend themselves rather than standing tall and falling eventually.Some people see transition or change as a compromise. They think why should I change, let the society change and accept me for who I am. My thoughts and their’s contradict each other. I would be happy to know your thoughts too readers. Would be waiting for your responses.

 

The Iron Lady: Smriti Irani

Do you know, 21st century is really become a bad time for Indian politicians. Especially lady politicians are being victims of harassment and bad jokes by Indian Comedians. Smriti Irani is an iron lady. She wasn’t born with golden spoon unlike most politicians. She had made her way on her own. She can give fiery orations, even demons would hide their face when Smriti Irani took fight against her in Twitter. Let’s not forget about how she gave Rahul Gandhi a serious threat in his den.

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Life Overrated-Overdefined

Time can neither be caught nor be bought

Time is same for all, but times are not

Born nothing and will die being a naught

So be grateful about what you have got

Nothing is permanent, is permanent

Everything perishes, moving or stagnant

Time will perish but dreams are not born to kill

Even a small wound takes time to heal

However the end makes your heart shatter

Its the journey that really matters

Sometimes through the journey however hasy it may seem

You have to move ahead of problems and everything’s gonna redeem

Although you may say that you don’t care

But you’ll always be in a situation of seeking approval

However surrounded by people you may be

If they are not your closed ones, your will always feel alone

Meanwhile in the journey of lifeBe honest to yourself and your wife!!

Hope you don’t mind, yourself being kind

Coz an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind

I don’t know how to conclude

What to include and what not to include

Talking about life, all I can say

Joy and sorrow will always be on your way

We are just actors here as they say

Where He is the director of the play

So you open and drink bottles of zest

And then try to perform at your best

Bro to Bro Conversation

Bro 1: Hey bro, how are you? How’s everything going in your life?

Bro 2: How come you are talking about serious things like “life”? You had coffee this morning , hadn’t you?

Bro 1: Yeah I did. I was just goofing around a bit.

Bro 2: Yeah I know. Lives of many people pass like this only.

Just wandering aimlessly like nomads having no base for their thinking.

Let me tell you what really life is. Don’t panic. I won’t be giving any shitty definition about life. It is not, as my negative bros would say  “Arre kya rakha hai life main, khao piyo aur karo marne ka intazaar”  (eat sleep repeat till death).

It is also not, as my positive bros would say, “A divine journey from birth to death seeking God’s appraisal at each moment”.

The thing I hate about these people is that they always want everything in black or white.

A positive bro would say,”Oh how divine is this. God is showering love on his loved ones, like this.” Bro, its not love, that bird is shitting on you. Get the hell out of there.

Life is an experience. A journey. Not any mathematical term which can be defined.

Bro 1: But still it can be defined as ‘birth to death’.

Bro 2: But the thing you are missing here is to ‘live’. Living each moment from birth to death. Seizing each moment as if it were your last. Not like doing maut ka intazaar(waiting for death).

Bro 1: Why bro? A lot of load in a single minute ?😦😦😧😩

Bro 2: I haven’t had coffee this morning, that’s why.

Bro 1: Now I need some coffee😒😒

 

DISCLAIMER: These comments above are subject to experiences. Please experience life carefully before accepting.

 

Newton Gravity Joke

issacnewton

reporter:  Mr. Thakar, imagine while you’re reading Quantum Theory under the tree and suddenly an apple falls on your head from the tree. What’ll you do?

New UPDATED FUNNY BLOG

me: I’d like to throw the tree from which the apple fall on reporter’s head. Who asked me silly question. I know, when I ask you same question. You’d say, I’ll eat that. True?

reporter😦reporter must be thinking, answer depends on is he want to throw the tree, or he is just being nice and offering an apple) Yes,  give me apple.

me: haven’t your mom taught any manners. You ought to clean apple with water first. Didn’t your mom teach you any manners. (looking top to down at reporter) Oh, that’s why you became reporter.

reporter: (reporter turns to camera)dhyan se dekh lijiye is ladke ko (points his finger at me) iss badsoorat chehre pe mat jayenga. kyunki iss badsoorat chehre ke piche choopa hain ek bhola insan. Jo vegetarian ho ke fruit khane ki bat karte hain. go green.

in  english: look at that man with full attention.  (pointing his finger at Kishan Thakar) don’t judge him with his ugly face, because behind that ugly face one really nice, decent, smart, handsome, funny, cute, hunky man is hiding. Who is promoting vegetarian food.

 

I know , what you must be thinking. How is this a joke? or what is the meaning of this post. Really if you felt that way…

 

then what is the meaning of Newton’s idiot story about falling apple on his head. For that we’ve wasted our three years of precious time in our school. Please stop outrage to little student from British.(winner of world’s most boring people )

 

 

have you noticed one thing in this post. A nice and humble reporter. He was so nice that I looked like an asshole in this interview. Kyaa ache din aa gaye??

Why Indian Men Are Best Cook

As Indian men are known for a great helper to a wife, mother, girlfriend, sister. As we prefer to call it as a men cook. To be honest we would love to cook different dishes and that’s not enough. After cooking we’d love to clean kitchen. Removing dirt from dishes is the favorite part Indian men like after cooking.
(Request to repeat these steps to all my brother Bhakts, who shouts Swatch Bharat in India -Bhakt No.1)

First Paragraph Of This Article Strongle Written To Give A Voice To Male Perspective In Blogging World. Don’t Try To Compare This With Your Husband, boyfriend, Son or Brother. There Might Be Some Assholes living In Indian. We Can’t Denie That. And A Hope That My Mom or Future Wife Will Never Read This Post.

Continue reading “Why Indian Men Are Best Cook”